Novartis Info Booklet Part 2

Relationships: Discussing herpes with sexual partners.

Despite believing that openness is important, you may find yourself facing an inner battle when it is time to discuss genital herpes with a sexual partner/s. Think about your own experience and how you would have preferred to learn about genital herpes. Use this knowledge to work out how you might discuss it with somebody else.Barriers to talking about genital herpes

Often the fear of discussing genital herpes can be more stressful than the experience itself. Once you have broached the subject, some of the anxiety may disappear. You know where you stand! There are many reasons people do not tell their sexual partners. Some are outlined here.

Once you have genital herpes there is the possibility that it can be transmitted when you do not have symptoms.

Many long-term relationships begin as casual relationships. Trust may be undermined if your partner believes you have not cared for them enough from the start. If you feel unable to discuss herpes avoid sex when you have symptoms and use condoms.

If you want a relationship and fear is holding you back from talking you may find yourself juggling to protect both your relationship and your partner's sexual health. In trying to care for your partner you may avoid sexual contact whenever you suspect a symptom. Your partner may not understand why you are avoiding sex and feel rejected. Often the longer you wait, the more complicated and difficult talking can be.

Take some time to work out why you are feeling the way you do. This will allow you to think clearly and to make a calm and considered decision. You can get professional support (see resource section).Approaching your sexual partner/s

What to say

Stay away from words with a negative tone such as "prepare yourself" or "I think that you might leave me". A negative tone is bound to leave both you and them feeling anxious.

Let them know that you have a history of genital herpes and that there maybe times when you cannot have sex. Discuss the place of condoms in your relationship. They protect both of you from other sexually transmitted diseases. Some common sexually transmitted diseases produce no symptoms, so unless people are tested they may not know that they have them.

Through having an open discussion you are making yourself vulnerable, caring for your partner's welfare and helping create an honest and respectful relationship. It may be useful to remind yourself that this honesty reflects your values and who you are as a person.

Your partner's response

A mature partner is likely to see genital herpes as something that needs to be understood and discussed. It is reasonable to expect that they will have some initial questions. Once the topic is out in the open, concerns can be discussed, allowing you to build an honest and equal relationship. This may take some time.

Sometimes a prospective partner may withdraw from you, because they have their own anxiety to deal with. However, most people will respond well and appreciate the respect you have shown them. They may ask for more information. For some, responding to genital herpes in a relationship will be a familiar experience.

After the initial diagnosis is confirmed it is possible to take medication to manage individual episodes of recurrent genital herpes. You can take medication at the first signs of an episode to reduce its length and severity.Suppressive therapy

Medication is taken on a daily basis to reduce the chances of an episode occurring. Suppressive therapy is particularly useful for people who are having frequent and troublesome episodes as it reduces both symptomatic and asymptomatic viral shedding.

If you have a high level of herpes related anxiety, you may find that suppressive therapy allows you to be less focused on the herpes virus. The emotional break can provide you with time to adjust to the virus. You may also find professional support helpful.

Genital herpes does not effect fertility in men or women. It will not affect a woman's ability to conceive or complete a pregnancy. The vast majority of women with genital herpes have normal deliveries and healthy babies.

Difficulties can arise if a woman has an active episode of genital herpes during childbirth causing the baby to come into direct contact with the virus. This is more of a concern if a woman has caught genital herpes during pregnancy, particularly in the third trimester.

If it is a new infection there is more virus present, this infection is more likely to be internal and the mother's body may not have had time to develop protective antibodies and transfer these to the baby. Some medical practitioners consider the use of antiviral medication in the weeks prior to the birth. If sores are present at the time of birth, then babies can usually be delivered safely by a caesarean section. Recurrent episodes of genital herpes in pregnancy present a smaller risk. The amount of the virus present is much smaller and the infection is more likely to be external. It is likely that the mother will have passed on protective antibodies to the baby. Although helpful during the birth, these antibodies break down in the early months of the newborn's life. Many obstetricians in Australia recommend a caesarean section to women with recurrent genital herpes at delivery.

If you are pregnant, your partner has oral or genital herpes, and you have never had symptoms of genital herpes, it may be useful to find out whether you have the virus by having a blood test. If you do not have the virus it is sensible to consider sexual practices that reduce your exposure to herpes during pregnancy. It is recommended that you use condoms if you have intercourse and possibly abstain from intercourse and/or oral sex in the third trimester.

Remember, millions of women with genital herpes give birth to healthy babies every year. Many of these women will have latent herpes and not even be aware that they have it. With information discussion and professional medical care, you can ensure the likelihood of a safe birth.

Resources

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Please note that the above information was supplied from a booklet released by NOVARTIS Pharmaceuticals Australia Pty Ltd. 54 Waterloo Road, North Rhyde, NSW 2113. Ph (02) 9805 3555. ABN 18 004 244 160. FAM233146 10/01 Publicis Wellcare-0071.